When It's Time to Let a Relationship Go

But sometimes, no matter how hard partners try, their relationships just don’t work. Quality partners who have lost each other usually feel terrible about hurting the other and saddened at their own feelings of failure. Because there is so little support out there to comfort them, they are often reluctant to talk about what happened. It’s just not fashionable anymore to give up.

The fact is, that many relationships should end. That is especially true when both partners have done all they can, aren't even sure why things went wrong, and are weary of trying. Sure, there may be a contingent of difficult people who just can’t get along with others for any length of time, run when intimacy deepens, or just prefer sequential relationships for their own reasons. 

But, for the most part, new lovers want to please each other, to deepen their connection, and to overcome their barriers. When they've tried everything they can, and the relationship still doesn't work, it should not be about fault, shame, blame, or fear of trying again.

There are some real and justifiable reasons why good people cannot seem to get past their relationship difficulties, no matter how much energy and time they have devoted to each other. If they've done their best and end in appreciation of the other’s efforts, they need not to linger in the grief of failure, but to use what they've given each other to form a better foundation for the next time around.

If well-intentioned and caring people can, without guilt or blame, recognize the symptoms that tell them that they need to let go, they can end their relationship without resentment or feelings of wasted time. If couples stay too long in a relationship that can’t get better, they risk losing the opportunity to cherish the lessons they have learned together.

Real Relationship Goals for every couple.

We're smothered with "relationship goals" on Facebook. What makes a real relationship goal couple?

1. Love Through The Hard Times. Through the anxiety, depression, and lack of money you get through it together. You're able to withstand everything that can tear you apart only because you're willing to work through it. Love isn't always beautiful but it's worth the pain.

2. Become A Team. You don't watch each other fall. You build each other up and help each other become the best possible version of you. 

There is no need to use each other as an ATM because you're both willing to work to get what you want and strive to be. 

You help each other in little chores or big projects you both can tackle together. You don't just leave the work up to one person.

3. Fights Help Deepen The Relationship. A "relationship goals" couple will not have screaming matches without ending it in forgiveness. There will be disagreement but to forgive you must be compassionate and understanding. 

You'll discover what made your partner hurt and came to an agreement on what to do about it. You don't just give up on them; you fight to make the relationship beautiful again.

4. Communication & Compromise. These two come hand in hand because to compromise you must communicate. It's not just asking how their day is. It's talking about your feelings, what is bothering you, details about your day.

 It's letting each other know where you are and what time you'll be home out of courtesy. It's compromising of important issues you both just don't agree with. Things as simple as decor, an animal, or even political views.

5. Promising Forever. You will forever be falling in love with the same person over and over again. Security is knowing they choose you and only you forever. 

Your relationship is unspoken faithfulness, sincerity, and complete openness. You know deep in your heart that they are the one you are supposed to be with forever.

6. Best Friends. You're able to confide in each other anything and everything without judgement. You will laugh and flirt together like it was the very first time you met. 

You'll eat ice cream together and binge watch Netflix, laugh about the old days, and continually throw out your inside jokes. The friendship you create will be the quality that makes it last. It will make the world strive to find what you've found.

Various ways Successful power couples stay together and live together peacefully.

1.They prioritize spending time together

I'm convinced that the single biggest contributor to the breakdown in relationships today is the fact that couples aren't spending enough time together. They aren't making their relationships a number one priority. The relationship gets put on the back burner. Everything else seems more important - careers, children, hobbies, community involvement, and personal pursuits. And when relationships aren't attended to as they should be, trouble sets in.

People who don't prioritize their relationships tell me that they often end up fighting during the little time they do have together. They argue about day to day issues; unpaid bills, uncleaned houses, unruly children. And it's no wonder. It's difficult to do what needs to be done to keep life moving in a productive direction, let alone try to coordinate your efforts with your partner's when you're under a time crunch. 

2.Their time is spent doing good

“Time is the currency of relationships. There’s no way to invest into a relationship without investing your time.” —Dave Willis

Time is a mystery. When we’re young, we have all the time in the world. When we’re married with kids, we never have enough time. When the nest is empty, we wonder where the time went. As we age, we increasingly comprehend the value of time. When faced with the realization that time will end, we truly appreciate just how precious it is.

3.They listen and empathize

“Empathy is truly the heart of the relationship,” said Carin Goldstein, a licensed marriage and family therapist.“Without it, the relationship will struggle to survive.” That’s because empathy requires compassion. And, without compassion, couples can’t develop a bond.

“[A] bond is like glue: If there is no glue then everything falls apart.”

Psychotherapist Cindy Sigal, AMFT, also stressed the importance of empathy for relationships: “Empathy bridges the divide between being separate individuals with different backgrounds, feelings and perspectives.”

4.They speak up about problems before it's too late

It’s an alternative approach to the common relationship advice that every issue has to be talked about at length, and that partners need to understand each other’s every motivation and thought process. Instead, these tips get right to the daily difficulties that cause the fights, addressing unhelpful behaviors and giving solutions to move past them.

5.They express their appreciation

When we talk about marriage, we’re quick to talk about “love” (which is a good thing), but we rarely talk about the importance of “appreciation.” As I’ve talked with countless married couples online and in person, there seems to be an epidemic in marriages that stem from a lack of appreciation. When a spouse feels unappreciated, it often leads to resentment or possibly even divorce. Showing appreciation to your spouse is vital for a healthy marriage, and these five quick tips below will help you do it well.

6.They pray together:

Is it healthy for couples to quarrel?

When lovers quarrel is it healthy? well this is my view about the issue, we have experienced this one way or the other when one minute you seem like everything is going great , you guys are giggling and laughing and teasing each other while another minute you guys are yelling at each other.

Every now and then, no matter how close and intimate a couple is, an argument occasionally looms to create a tide in the relationship, sometimes it makes the relationship better, but sometimes it might shake the relationship down to its very core, but ladies and gentlemen if you guys can handle it properly, then it is healthy and it can help create a long lasting relationship.

How to handle the situation.

we should learn to talk to each other no matter how bad it is,sometimes yelling at each other doesn't make things better because you guys wont hear each other but never let the day go by without forgiven your significant other, nobody is perfect but learning how to handle conflicts helps the relationship.

1. When you are angry about a situation, take a deep breath, leave the scene chill out, think about the great and wonderful times you guys spent with each other, ask yourself is this situation bigger than the love i have for partner.

2. Don't let your ego destroy your relationship,Learn from your mistakes, and understand that every couple have conflicts but how you handle it makes the difference.

Would you rather break the relationship or settle your differences?

HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITH YOUR PARTNER.

Phone has helped in communication but also it has helped to destroy relationship, we cant be doing the same thing over and over again.

We were created to communicate with each other, but when you are with your significant other, why cant you stay away from the phone, why cant you talk to each other, let the phone go when you are with your partner.

6 ways to improve emotional communication and deepen your relationship

1. Make small talk.

You may feel like asking for tiny details will seem rude, intrusive, or critical. But keep in mind that you’re not asking for details to catch your partner doing something wrong. You’re letting them know that you care about them and are interested in what interests them. Maybe you won’t learn anything new—but you will communicate a genuine interest in the small details that make up your partner’s day. And it’s those insignificant moments that make up the reality of our lives.

2. Don’t just ask about small insignificant experiences. Share them.

If a picture is worth a thousand words, a tiny action can be worth even more. Reach out and take your partner’s hand. Or if one or both of you are not the hand-holding type, simply stand so that some small part of your body makes contact, even if only for a few seconds. These are times when talking about the experience can actually destroy the moment of intimacy. Just share it in silence.

3. Listen carefully. 

Knowing that you are being heard is one of the experiences most likely to cement a feeling of connection to another. One way to improve your listening skills is to use a technique called “active listening.” This is a form of listening in which you acknowledge not only that you are listening—as with a nod of the head or saying “uh-huh"— but also that you understand what is being said. Understanding can be communicated with a smile, a word or a phrase that captures what they’re saying, or even with a simple “I understand”—if you really do understand. Interestingly, active listening can also involve interruptions for clarification or even disagreements. If you interrupt, be sure to ask permission. “Sorry, can I ask you a question?” is a reasonable way to do it. Then ask something that is clearly related to clarifying what your partner is telling you. If you disagree with the overall concept or with their handling of a situation, wait until they have finished talking before you express disagreement. But if you are not sure that they have accurately described something, you can ask for more clarification—without accusing them of lying, of course.

4. Ask questions, and don’t assume that you know the answers.

Finding a healthy balance between talking and listening is difficult in most relationships, but even harder as you get to know each other, so it’s important that you both get a chance to talk and listen.

5. Talk about yourself, but don’t take all of the air. Finding a healthy balance between talking and listening is difficult in most relationships, but even harder as you get to know each other, so it’s important that you both get a chance to talk and listen.

6. Once you’ve become aware of some of the hidden shared moments you’re having with your partner, see if you can find ways to increase your daily amount of insignificant experiences together. If one—or both—of you are not so good at putting your feelings into words, or even describing the mundane details of your day, don’t worry. 

How partners Handle External Adversity and Crisis Together.

One of the traits of highly successful and enduring relationships is the partners’ ability to stand together in the face of external challenges. A true test of a relationship is whether two people have each others’ back when times are tough. 

Consider these questions:  Do external adversity and crisis bring you and your partner closer together, or pull you farther apart? In difficult life circumstances, do you and your partner act like adults or children? Can you and your partner share the bad times, or only enjoy the good times? As Adler and Proctor II state, “Companions who have endured physical challenges together… form a bond that can last a lifetime.

WHYDO MEN REALLY CHEAT.

It has been an issue, one of the most painful thing to experience when you love someone, it destroys the intimacy and trust, but both men and women cheat, well i know you expect something that's big. but cheating is a choice, just shows lack of character to break that trust you developed with your partner.


1. The person might not value the relationship, he is presently.
2. maybe grew up in a broken home, things we see when were kids might affect us later when we are adults.
3. Bad company.
4. Not brought up properly to love and respect other peoples feelings.
5.Not sexually satisfied
6.Lack of emotion intimacy, - you surprised men have emotions, they do but they lock it up.
7. Nagging
well we know the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" well that's  not true people change  but not everybody.


SOLUTIONS
1. Pray for your partner
2.Talk to your partner, what exactly is the problem; listen to how he feels
3. Stop nagging
4. Try something new, go on adventure together, have fun together, let him know you are the kind of lady, that once you leave me, you cant see someone like me

If you have tried your best, nothing works don't stress, he is not worth the tears, sleepiness night, because a real man will love you and not want to hurt you,and choose not to cheat.

SEEKING GODS DIRECTION IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP.

Sorry for the late publication of today's blog, been quite busy. So i have a question i will love everyone to ask themselves, 

DO YOU WANT TO BE HAPPY?

DO YOU HATE TO BE CHEATED ON?

DO YOU LOVE TO CRY ABOUT YOUR PARTNER?

I believe this questions, comes in our heart most times, but i ask how many of you ask for Gods will and direction in your life? only few.

Every relationship, you intend to begin, or you have already begun, we all need Gods direction, there is always a difference. God will always give you the best among the best, all you have to do is ask him for direction and he is willing and able to answer, only if you ask him to be the center of the relationship.

If you have began a relationship, when last did you guys pray together to ask for the relationship to grow from strength to strength, you cant do it on your own, you need the race of God to prevail in your relationship.

It saves you from heartache, disappointment, neglect, verbal and domestic abuse, divorce and martial crisis.

So today from henceforth, seek the face of Lord, and he will guide you.

That is a provocative question.  For many of us, prayer is an afterthought, or something we do when facing a crisis.  However, when we talk with God regularly, our relationship with Him deepens and we learn to recognize His fingerprints on our lives. Prayer in itself has huge benefits for us personally and likewise, when husbands and wives pray for each other, wonderful things can happen in our marriage.  However, when we take the time to actually pray together, the power of our prayers multiplies and so do the benefits. 

“I also tell you this: If two of you agree here on earth concerning anything you ask, my Father in heaven will do it for you. For where two or three gather together as my followers, I am there among them.” (Matthew 18:19-20)

IF YOU LOVE THIS MESSAGE PLEASE KINDLY SHARE IT UNTIL IT REACHES EVERYONE THAT SEEKS ADVICE IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP.

HOW TO HANDLE THE PAIN AFTER A BREAKUP

Heartbroken? no problem it happens; we all go through it one way or the other, mostly when your significant other leaves, you ask how will i go on without the person, not everyone will care abut you the way you do, i went through it alot, that i always asked myself why always me, i got to find out that i opened my heart to whom i cared about alot, not because i couldnt reserve, i always thought that she will be happy, and will be a good partner for me,

Never love anyone that treats you like you are ordinary.

Things happen, but you need to know your worth, how wonderful, precious, and learn not to accept less, you get to know what you truly deserve,  do not  need to give up, you need to overcome your pain, it is a process, it only makes you stronger and better, with time, you will overcome it, you dont need to hurt another because of your past, God will always give you someone that is worth it, 

Be patient, you have a purpose, stand up, stop thinking, stop crying, you are special, and you are wonderfully made by god, Never give up

TRUST AND HONESTY IN A RELATIONSHIP

So today topic is something we all need in our relationship, trust and honesty; the world  has come to a state where honesty doesn't make things better, instead it causes more problem , it just seems that people prefer to hear lies than the truth, well in this life no matter what happens honesty is the right thing to do, now honesty and trust work hand in hand with each other, 

Always tell whom you love the truth, it might hurt, but i choose not to tell lies to the lady i love, Well if someone that doesn't love you, trust you or believe you, you cant force the person to believe, it might not come out well when you say the truth, but your conscience is clear, that you said the truth, if one doesn't appreciate you another will always appreciate you

it is important for a couple to be honest and learn to trust each other, it has been a busy week will keep updating, subscribe.

How To Know If THE RELATIONSHIP IS LEADING IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION.

Nobody wants to get hurt, but how can you know if the partner, whom you are with is the real deal, or just a fling, Dating is fun when you are young and carefree, But as you get older and start to have the desire to achieve your dreams and goals in life, you should begin to look at dating in a more serious matter.A relationship especially one that you expect to lead to marriage , is an investment of time, emotions and even money.As it progresses, you are going to reach a point where you have to ask yourself,"Is it love or is it lust? 

You dont have time for your emotions to be played with so boundaries have to be set, if a man loves you, he will go any extent to protect, cherish and  care for whom his heart beats for, most times we make mistakes by falling in love with the wrong person, because of his looks, his car, the way he talks, his body, those things are not important, because you fall for the wrong person, you get hurt and the next word you say is " ALL MEN ARE THE SAME", The right person that loves you, his heart, his mentality, his attitude matter alot, you dont need a boy, to be playing with your feelings.

Be patient, in life, the right person will come, and the way you present yourself matter alot, if you present yourself as someone that is responsible and knows what you want, the right person will be attracted to you, Because you have a standard,and if the person cant meet your standard, '' LET HIM GO"

You’re in love if:

• you crave that person and that person only

• you want to do things with him/her other than get physical

• you can talk at ease with time passing unconsciously

• you want to make him/her smile and be happy

• you actually want to hear about his/her feelings

• you want to get to know his/her friends and family

• you think about him/her a lot

• you are motivated by this person to be a better man/woman

THANK YOU REMAIN BLESSED, WITH LOVE FROM ME.

HOW TO HANDLE TRUST ISSUES.

This topic is very vital in any relationship, people get all wrong about trust, Trust is a valued character trait often lacking in today's world. We have to learn to trust God in every circumstance and in every area of our lives. 

As i always say about putting GOD first, that is always the first step, trust in God to give you the right partner,  Face it. If you don’t trust your man or your lady you are not going to have a loving and successful relationship. Not trusting him or her is going to cause problems. It might start out small and grow into a major fight. Or he might not be worth trusting.

Steps in handling trust issue; 

1. Talk to your partner about how you truly feel, not your friend, co worker, they don't know what is in your partners heart, if you have an issue with your partner let it out. 

Please stop Nagging!!!!it really drives couples crazy most times. Be nice about it, though. Let him or her know that you have a problem trusting him or her. Talk to your partner and let him or her know why – it could be something he or she  is doing or has done or something that someone has done in the past to you. But it’s like an addiction – if you don’t recognize that you have a problem, you won’t be able to fix it. And if he is a good man, chances are he will understand and work to help you resolve your trust issues.

2. Stop lying- Try to be sincere and open to your partner, i know we sometimes keep things in our heart, because, we don't want to hurt our partner, but is not the right thing to do.

3. Be consistent. Give your partner reason to trust you. If you tell him or her that you are going to be home at 6, be there, or at least call and let him know that you are stuck in traffic or whatever. Don’t give him reasons not to trust you.

HOW TO HANDLE TRUST ISSUES.

This topic is very vital in any relationship, people get all wrong about trust, Trust is a valued character trait often lacking in today's world. We have to learn to trust God in every circumstance and in every area of our lives. 

As i always say about putting GOD first, that is always the first step, trust in God to give you the right partner,  Face it. If you don’t trust your man or your lady you are not going to have a loving and successful relationship. Not trusting him or her is going to cause problems. It might start out small and grow into a major fight. Or he might not be worth trusting.

Steps in handling trust issue; 

1. Talk to your partner about how you truly feel, not your friend, co worker, they don't know what is in your partners heart, if you have an issue with your partner let it out. 

Please stop Nagging!!!!it really drives couples crazy most times. Be nice about it, though. Let him or her know that you have a problem trusting him or her. Talk to your partner and let him or her know why – it could be something he or she  is doing or has done or something that someone has done in the past to you. But it’s like an addiction – if you don’t recognize that you have a problem, you won’t be able to fix it. And if he is a good man, chances are he will understand and work to help you resolve your trust issues.

2. Stop lying- Try to be sincere and open to your partner, i know we sometimes keep things in our heart, because, we don't want to hurt our partner, but is not the right thing to do.

3. Be consistent. Give your partner reason to trust you. If you tell him or her that you are going to be home at 6, be there, or at least call and let him know that you are stuck in traffic or whatever. Don’t give him reasons not to trust you.

KEYS TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP

I know you expecting me to say, do this and do that for your relationship to work, NO!!!!; is not happening, everybody gives relationship advice everywhere, even your neighbor, comedian, psychologist, but is better to get advice from those who have been in that position, those that have a longstanding relationship, those are the right people to ask, we live in a world, where our pride and lack of forgiveness has increased the rate of divorce, where we spend millions of dollars on marriages to please people.

KEYS TO A GREAT RELATIONSHIP.

Commit the Relationship into Gods presence- I know people dont like to hear this word, but committing and dedicating what you have into Gods hand makes the difference, because he loves you so much, no matter how many times we sin against him, he is willing and ready to have a relationship with us.


Understanding Each other - if we all understand each other, we have less quarrel, less fighting, less argument, instead we have more happiness, peace of mind, talk with your partner, what he or she dont like, hear him out or hear her out.


Spend less time with technology- i know we are all guilty of this, years ago when there wasnt internet, or phone, couples spend time with each other talking, site seeing, making dinner together, go on adventure, these things brought about connection, Why cant we leave our phone, ipad, computer and talk to our partner, have fun together, everywhere you go, couples go out , they are texting their friends or they  use face book, common humans were created to interact with each other.


Loving yourself – couples consistently practiced self-love, you cant give what you dont have it simply means that individuals in a couple love him or herself and treated him or herself as well as he or she treated his or her partner.
They pull their own weight and provide support and love when necessary. But the key words are: self-love



Trust- Trust is something that is built over time. It involves being faithful, yes, but it also involves being reliable and providing emotional security.


Commitment – it’s not just a word; it’s real action. Happy couples knew that they could count on each other to be there. Even when health issues came up or other crisis, they are there for their partners through thick and thin.


Don’t fight to win. Remember that you are on the same team and should be working to resolve any issues. Every couple usually quarrel, but dont let the day go by, without resolving the issue.


Be nice. Don’t fight mean. No name-calling or accusations. Treat your partner with respect and love. And it you can’t do that, then maybe that’s a relationship you shouldn’t be in.

TIPS BEFORE YOU START A RELATIONSHIP.

Easier said than done, right? Well, we want to help you out with these tips on how to tell the boys from the men. But before you dig in, there is one thing you must understand – girls are attracted to boys and women are attracted to men. Growing up yourself is half the battle. You have to be a woman, not a girl. Let’s help you with the rest.

How do you know he or she is the right person for you? this question always comes into our mind when we meet someone whom we have feelings for. 

Before one should start a relationship, 

1. Having a God centered relationship

GOD has to be first, This is so cliche. But it's the truth & this will never change. the above 4 reasons won't happen unless GOD is really first in  your heart. Spend DAILY time with Him, apply what you learned, serve in your local church, walk in love, pray earnestly for your guy, forgive whoever hurt you-- DO your part. When TWO believers come together with their hearts committed to Christ.. YOU both turn into a POWER COUPLE

2. BUILD YOUR FRIENDSHIP:

The crux of a successful relationship is a strong friendship. Building a friendship with a love interest happens under the sun. Instead of making plans for a candlelight dinner by tranquil waters or inviting someone over to “watch” a movie, spend time in non-romantic settings. Meeting up for lunch, coffee or even taking a walk downtown in the city or at a park may open up a conversation about the landscape and it’s history or interesting people you see walking or running by. You will find out a persons outlook on life. Exercising together is another way to build a friendship: going for a run is a time for friendly, flirting competitiveness. While you maybe checking each other out discretely, the conversation you have may show something about their family upbringing, their dreams and ambitions or how they really feel about their occupation You may have found a new workout partner, someone who could help you reach your fitness goals or vice versa. "The point here is to get to know each other in public places before you decide to know each other in intimate settings"

3. LOVE YOURSELF

It's not so simple: We often believe that we do love ourselves, and yet our actions and reactions, and our lives, suggest otherwise. Yet loving yourself is essential to your personal growth, to the fulfillment of your dreams, and to developing healthy, happy relationships with others. Instead of trying to just talk yourself into believing you have self-love.

Three practical steps:

i. Care as much about yourself as you do for others.

It sounds simple, but many of us simply don’t do this because we think we are being selfish or that our own needs are not important. They are. It is not selfish to care about yourself. Compassion for yourself means showing concern for your own feelings as well as for others. Treat yourself the way you would treat your children or your best friend—with gentleness, concern and caring.

ii. Maintain your boundaries.

Write a list of the things that you need emotionally, things that are important to you and that upset you or hurt your feelings when they are ignored or violated. They could include being listened to; getting sympathy when you’re hurt; being celebrated when you succeed; receiving love and tenderness without asking for it; being cared for; and knowing you can rely on someone. Whatever is important to you is important. And when someone ignores what’s important to you or crosses your boundary, you’ll know—because it hurts. Don’t ignore that. Your feelings are there to tell you what’s right and what’s wrong.

Let people know what your boundaries are and what you will and will not tolerate. If they apologize, you can forgive them. If they do not, or continue to ignore your boundaries and needs, you need to create consequences.

iii.Do what you need to do to be you.

First, figure out what makes you feel good. It doesn’t matter what it is, but become aware of how you feel when you do things, Find out what makes you feel good and do it, as often as you can. Feeling good is all the permission you need to do what you love to do. And the more you do those things, the happier you will be. If it means you have to give up something else, so be it. Perhaps you need to spend more time on your own or schedule an hour every weekend.

3.BUILDING TRUST BEFORE DATING.

Is trust easier to destroy than to build,Long-term relationships depend on cooperation. To achieve this, individuals need to be able to substitute for each other, influence one another, and have a positive attitude towards one another. Trust is a core issue at the beginning of a business relationship, but a secondary concern at the start of a romantic relationship.

4. Spend time with God.

If you wonder why jealousy, envy, and being controlling is involved in a relationship, it's evident of WHO you let into your relationship. When you have sex outside of marriage it introduces feelings & unhealthy emotions. 

5. Guard your heart. (Proverbs 4:23) STOP watching stupid reality TV songs, going to clubs, love-sex songs, pornography or blogs. DO you know that those things plant seeds in  your heart. Then, you wonder why you want to live it out & be sexual with  your guy! SO stop being all sexual as you sing & dance a beyonce song to your guy. Even IF you're joking. Men are visual & their APPLIANCES work. WHY test it out?